This is NOT About Aliens

Someday the world is going to blow up into a million tiny pieces, if nuclear war doesn't do it, then a few billion years later the sun will (provided global warming doesn’t wipe out the whole species before that). One can assume that by then mankind will be advanced enough to travel space, and have colonies or maybe even cities on far away planets, and be time traveling, and have hovercrafts, and blah blah blah. Hell, we might even have alien slaves, or we might become alien slaves (really depends on which race is the more intellectual).

So you must be wondering where exactly am I going with this, and I must tell you, I’m not here to talk about alien abductions and things like that (I’m not that sane yet), I’m just writing about the first thing that comes to my mind.

Now where was I? Oh yes, as I was saying, the destruction of the human race is inevitable, and do you know why I say this? Man by nature is ambivalent and a more intolerant species, they don’t like the idea of things being aberrant, or even disparate from the “norm”. They say one has freedom of speech and thought, and all those amazing rights that one would believe they are born with, but still have to be given by the constitution of a country, but tell me, how often can you use these rights and not be called completely insane? People are castigated for having views separate from the rest of society, and in some extreme cases they’re even isolated.

Homo sapiens happen to be a very dreary race, that and dim-witted. Many great men (and women) have been ridiculed in the past, only for us to accept their theories as more correct than not in today’s time. I say it’s about time people grow up and stop acting like five year old babies throwing tantrums over a silly toy. Being narrow-minded will not help the race, but will only slow down the evolution process.

Ah, unstopped thought.

Purpose

I often wonder where I'm heading in life. I'm in my third year of college, and I still don't have a clue about what I want to do with my life, nor do I have an idea about what exactly interests me. I've always believed that everyone serves a purpose in some way or the other, but recently I've started having my doubts about this theory. I can't think of a single purpose that I serve, and I can't think of a single talent that I have. Everybody says that at this age one isn't supposed to know where they're heading, but they're suppose to be searching for a reason to live or at least a means to live.

For example, even this spider serves a major purpose in the functioning of the world. It plays an intricate part in the food chain, killing smaller insects, and serving as food for bigger animals. Without it, the balance in the ecosystem would be disturbed, and this can actually lead to drastic effects. This explains why environmentalists are so worried about endangered species.

My life has been really strange, or at least my self perception has been. There have been times when I believe I'm one of the greater beings on earth, and at other times I feel like a nobody. Odd thing is that I've never felt like anything in between, and I also believe that being something in between is worse than being a nobody.

There have been moments in my life when I have known exactly what I want, but have no idea how to get it. At other times, like right now, I don't even vaguely know what I want. I can't say that I get bored, because of which I lose a sense of direction, I'd say I grow up or come to realize I'm chasing an impossible dream. The only constant dream in my life has been that someday I want to write something, anything, for which I will be remembered forever.

I wonder how long it will take for me to find a purpose, or whether I even have a purpose...

Sports

It's been a while since I wrote an entry, don't know whether it's because I was too busy or too bored. Yes, I'm weird.

I haven't been up to much lately, in our college the sports fest, Josh, has started (had started on Monday actually), and though I didn't intend to take part this time, I landed up taking part in more sports than last year. I played mixed volleyball this time, in spite of the fact that though I had learned volleyball back in middle school, I was never good at it. It was really fun practicing, and I guess I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. Still we lost the match, and now I'm feeling very guilty about it. I couldn't put my best into the game, otherwise we would've done so much better. It was great fun practicing though, and I do hope I get to play on a regular basis, it's a really fun sport. Maybe next year I'll be a much better player.

Another new thing I tried this time is carrom. I'm not at all good at it though, and hopefully I'll play better today than I did yesterday.

For fun, I played a little table tennis too (not an actual match), and I like it, though again a lot of practice will be required to learn how to play.

It's funny, but over time I've realized that basketball isn't the best sport after all. There was a time when I thought that basketball is the most amazing sport in the world, and thought that people who play basketball are very cool. Also on television, you would notice that if they have to show a sport being played in college or school, they always show basketball. I have played lots of sports in the past, and I never got the time to become good at any of them (I haven't played many sports at all after coming to India), and because of that I never realized how much fun they actually are.

The first sport I learned how to play was volleyball, but I never could get a hang of it back in middle school. I learned how to hit the ball properly (that's why I don't hit the ball backwards like most beginners do), and I learned how to serve decently, but I was always scared of the ball. Just last semester/year (can't quite remember), I tried playing volleyball again, but I had that mental block that I'm really bad at it, so I couldn't play properly, in fact, I couldn't even serve back then. Now I would've hardly practiced for three days, and my serves go in most of the time, and I can hit the ball provided I play in the right position (personally I prefer center, but generally more skilled players play at center, so...). I still can't play even close to decently well, but I realized that it's a really fun and elegant sport.

Same way last year I had started playing lawn tennis (until I hurt my arm, after which I didn't play again), and I wasn't very good at it, I mean, I did need a lot of practice, but I liked it a lot more than basketball. According to me, lawn tennis is the most elegant sport in the world, though many people won't agree.

I still do like basketball, but only when I'm playing with guys, for most girls don't know how to play basketball the right way. In fact I prefer playing all sports with guys itself, for either you can never find enough girls to play with, or it's just not fun enough.

Well enough about sports, I can actually talk nonstop about them, but what would be the point if I don't play them? Anyways, I'm thinking I'll start playing something or the other on a regular basis, provided I can find company to play with.

Answers and Books

Here I am writing much sooner than I intended to. I was thinking I would post again only when I go home.

To: "let me think" - If you have a blog URL or an email address, could you give it to me as it would be easier for me to reply to your comments.

In my last post I deliberately left out the list of my actual problems, and exactly why I want to change. First off, I have no intentions of boring people to death by telling them about my problems, trust me, they're quite boring, and I do have better things to write about than my problems. Secondly, there are certain personal things I would prefer not writing about in this blog, and the fact is that everyone has a personal life. If ever I want to write about any problems I'm going through, I will just write about them.

If you're wondering why I wrote the last post if I had no intentions of writing about my problems, then go back and read the last paragraph. I specifically asked for advice on how I should go about becoming more optimistic and gaining some self confidence...

Anyways, on Facebook I joined a book club - BBC Big Read. I have read quite a few books out of the list of 200 books, and there are a lot of books I want to read. Lord of the Rings topped the list, and I was really happy about that considering the fact that it's my favorite book. There was this one book I had been looking for (which was also on that list), and I finally found it on DC++, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. I've already read five chapters, and I'm eager to read more (but with exams just around the corner...).

I had heard about the book a long time ago, when I was reading Oscar Wilde's biography. It was a very controversial book at the time it was written, but now it is considered one of the "Modern Classics". What I love about the book so far is Oscar Wilde's style of writing, it's brilliant the way he describes things and the ideas he puts forth (though I may not agree with them as such). I can't wait till I'll get to finish reading the book, I'm addicted to it.

Books (as in novels) remind me, often I've seen in peoples' profiles that they say "books, no way!", or something along the same lines. Obviously they write that because they think that reading books is not cool, and that only geeks read books. I've always thought it's very stupid of people to not read books because they think that books are uncool. It's a very different matter if someone doesn't have time, or can't sit through a book, but if someone thinks that reading books is not cool, they're just hopeless. Reading is a really good habit, not only because it helps improve language and communication skills, but also because they make one more intelligent and expand one's imagination. According to me, they're very good stress busters as well; just sitting back and reading a nice book always leaves me tension free for a while.

Winds of Change

It's been a while since I've written, more due to a lack of topic than lack of time. Lately, I've been sleeping too much, and obviously haven't been studying at all, so time is definitely not a factor. Exams are just around the corner, and I'm still thinking about how I should start studying (the usual pre-exam "trauma" I pass through every time)...

Yesterday morning, I didn't have class until twelve noon, so I was sitting in my room, trying to analyse my personality. I did find many faults which I will have to correct, and along with that, there are many things about my outlook towards life which I have to change.

Let's say five years ago, you'd imagine yourself as you are now, and you'd think of yourself as a very different person than you became. It's all well and good if you became a better person than you thought you'd become, but if you changed for the worse, then it's always a little sad to think about how you let it happen. I guess I can't say that I've completely changed for the worse, yes, I do have some regrets, but I'm working hard to fix them, but what really bugs me is the fact that certain aspects of my personality changed in a very negative manner. Now it's these particular aspects which I want to work on to better myself as a person.

Now as for my outlook towards life, trust me, it's not a happy outlook. I have got to work on getting more self confidence, and work on becoming more optimistic.

I believe that if I really work on the above things (and I say really, because knowing myself, I'll probably put it off for later...procrastination procrastination...), I should get much closer to the person I wanted to become. Any suggestions on how I can work on the above will be appreciated...

Post Exam Obsessions

We had exams last week and most of my papers didn't go well at all. To make things worse, I made quite a few silly mistakes in my papers as well, but those silly mistakes are going to cost me a lot...

I'm listening to AC/DC right now, I absolutely love this song, Problem Child. It took me a long time to realize how amazing this band really is, which is pretty weird.

I've been watching a Japanese cartoon called Naruto lately. It's become quite an obsession, I love watching the ninjas fight and all. There's one character, Gaara, who happens to be my favorite. He's a really blood-thirsty ninja, who only cares about fighting and killing. His attacks are sand based, and are very very powerful. He's had a really bad past, because of which he's become so evil, but I really like him.

In fact, many of the ninjas have had rough pasts, mostly involving being outcasts, or dropouts, or have demons sealed in them. Gaara and Naruto have demons sealed inside of them, yet the striking difference between the two, one is so evil and quiet and the other so determined and loud. Naruto is a nice character too, I love the fact that he's so determined and never gives up, because of which he can win the most difficult of fights. I also like this other ninja, Rock Lee, who doesn't have any special abilities, but worked hard to get super speed.

I also decided to learn how to play Age of Empires, and have one more tutorial match to play, before I start with real games. It's a much more interesting game than I initially thought it would be. The only thing missing is the blood and guts, but it's good enough without all that.

I've decided that I've wasted enough of my life away doing nothing interesting, and it's about time that I learn to do something worthwhile. This explains my sudden interest in games again, it's been such a long time since I played computer games, and I really miss those days when I would play games all day long (no interesting games, mostly kid games).

Random Post

Well here I am, and here's another blog. Once again I have that feeling about how I'd really love to make good use of this blog, and actually write something meaningful. This time I have also decided to stick to it.

Lately I have been trying to improve my vocabulary, and I am just about thirty words smarter than I was a week ago. One would consider that a terribly slow improvement, but I am trying to learn words in such a manner that I don't forget them a week or two after learning them. So far, my favorite word happens to be parsimonious, which means stingy. It's the perfect word to make me sound intelligent and make others feel stupid.

Someday I hope to be a famous poet, or at least be known as the author of a very famous piece. Chances of that happening isn't very high, but why not give it a try?

That's all for now, I will write a better post later.