Ah...Woodchuck Gods...

Often I've sat and wondered why the Woodchuck Gods suddenly awoke to realize they wanted to take over the world. I mean, sure the world is in a pretty chaotic condition right now, and they sure haven't been worshiped by any carbon-based life forms that I know of, but why realize these facts after existing and evolving over millions of years? Yet I'm very sure the source of my worries is of absolutely no importance whatsoever, at least not at this precise moment.

The Woodchuck Gods never quite approved the exchange of tiny green pieces of paper for goods of real value. They always found it odd how humans tend to rely so much on these little sheets of paper that there was such a high percentage of them worrying about this trade. Some Homo sapiens even murdered or committed suicide over these tiny pieces of green paper. Now that the world was plunge into what was called an Economic Crisis, the Woodchuck Gods were left dumbstruck at the condition these so-called intelligent life forms brought upon themselves. So many people lost their jobs (what humans hate doing but must do to get these little green pieces of paper), and at such times finding this source of income was very difficult indeed.

The Woodchuck Gods often wondered why some carbon-based life forms had huge concrete/wood structures to sleep in, while others lived under a tin roof, or sometimes not even that. The Woodchuck Gods had always seen that their fellow Woodchucks were well off, and if ever one was in need of anything, many Woodchuck Gods were ready to lend a helping hand. Yet this world of humans was almost cruel. Tattered and torn younglings would go up to these men in suits, holding breifcases, and ask for a tiny share of those green pieces of paper, enough to buy them a meal, but they would always be turned down. Yet these humans in suits would gladly give a portion of their little green sheets of paper to fat men who transported them from one end of a road to another in yellow steel frames that had wheels. Oh the irony...

What struck them as even odder was the fact that most Homo sapiens had the time to hate other Homo sapiens on the basis of creed, class, color, religion, or even sexual orientation! The Woodchuck Gods never cared much if their fellow Woodchucks were dark furred or light furred, or whether they were the types who liked members of the same sex, or if one Woodchuck believed in UFOs and the other did not. The Woodchuck Gods always felt that there were more important ways to judge other Woodchucks, ways that didn't reek of prejudice. Woodchuck Gods believed in the equality of all Woodchucks. Yet humans killed each other because of these differences, they killed each other for no fault, for no reason, for no purpose other than hatred.

"Why do humans give so much importance to the unborn of their species when they happily kill animals capable of feeling?" wondered one of the Woodchuck Gods as he heard about protests against abortion. The Woodchuck Gods always believed that it was one's choice to agree with abortion or not, but protesting against it was a absolute stupidity, let the person in question decide whether it's wrong according to them or not. This went for so many other things, like banning stem cell research. Why stop the scientific progress of the world only because your views differ from someone elses? They say we have freedom of thought, freedom of speech, but the Woodchuck Gods realized that they were just silly phrases to cover up the fact that such things did not exist.

The human world is a complex place, full of contradictions everywhere. Unnecessary complexities add to the already burdensome life that these humans live. The Woodchuck Gods watched the birds fly, and they knew what freedom really is. That eagle soaring up in the sky symbolizes the freedom of thought, that nightingale singing its song in the night symbolizes the freedom of speech, and inbetween is nothing but true bliss. If ever the Woodchuck Gods wanted to take over the earth, it was because they wanted to see every living entity get the most out of this life they had been given, rather than wasting it away in sorrows and burdens with just an insignificant hint of what life really is.

Alas, will the world ever be free?

The President is a Monkey

So the Woodchuck Gods haven’t gotten very far in their quest to take over the world, but that doesn’t mean they’re not working on it. In their clandestine underground base, much activity can be seen these days, as they prepare for the first insurrection, the first step towards their victory over mankind and other species on earth. They’ve prepared a nuclear weapons base which all of mankind is unaware of, especially American President George W. Bush, who is too busy declaring war on countries that don’t even have nuclear arms to notice this uprising among the Woodchuck Gods. Of course who can blame this intelligent President, after all, imaginary nuclear weapons is a very tempting ground for going to war with a weaker country, especially one in the Middle East.

As for religion being a popular ground for killing people and blowing things up throughout the world, the Woodchuck Gods have a solution to this problem too, though I would rather not let the contents of their plan be disclosed to the mere mortals of the world (no offence, I’m one of them too). As for racism being a ground for being unable to have the President America deserves to undo the deterioration of the last twenty years, when it comes to the Woodchuck Gods, there is no black and white, but only brown. For the last twenty years, America has been ruled by only two families, and I really don’t believe we need another four to eight years of being ruled by them. A new President is required, one who can actually do something for the country and not someone who passes racial comments and has a husband who was already a President. A new mind, some new ideas.

Frankly speaking, the Woodchuck Gods have many reforms in mind to make this world a better place, and I feel that this world really needs a revolution from the side of the more intelligent beings to make the world less chaotic. These days even a monkey can become a President or Prime Minister, and most of the masses wouldn’t even realize it. So why not let actual intelligent Woodchuck Gods take over the world so that the end of everything can be delayed by a few years if not more? There are so many issues that aren’t even given the slightest attention, or at least not enough. Very conveniently, America declared to the world that global warming is not something to worry about, even though effects of global warming are already starting to be seen. As for poverty, what’s being done about it? The poor only gets poorer, and the rich richer, so what’s the point in talking about a nation progressing, when the poor are becoming worse off than ever?

So I support the Woodchuck Gods one hundred percent in their quest to take over the world, for if a monkey can rule a nation, why can’t a Woodchuck rule the world? Anyways the Woodchuck Gods are far more superior to the mere monkeys of this world.