Purpose

I often wonder where I'm heading in life. I'm in my third year of college, and I still don't have a clue about what I want to do with my life, nor do I have an idea about what exactly interests me. I've always believed that everyone serves a purpose in some way or the other, but recently I've started having my doubts about this theory. I can't think of a single purpose that I serve, and I can't think of a single talent that I have. Everybody says that at this age one isn't supposed to know where they're heading, but they're suppose to be searching for a reason to live or at least a means to live.

For example, even this spider serves a major purpose in the functioning of the world. It plays an intricate part in the food chain, killing smaller insects, and serving as food for bigger animals. Without it, the balance in the ecosystem would be disturbed, and this can actually lead to drastic effects. This explains why environmentalists are so worried about endangered species.

My life has been really strange, or at least my self perception has been. There have been times when I believe I'm one of the greater beings on earth, and at other times I feel like a nobody. Odd thing is that I've never felt like anything in between, and I also believe that being something in between is worse than being a nobody.

There have been moments in my life when I have known exactly what I want, but have no idea how to get it. At other times, like right now, I don't even vaguely know what I want. I can't say that I get bored, because of which I lose a sense of direction, I'd say I grow up or come to realize I'm chasing an impossible dream. The only constant dream in my life has been that someday I want to write something, anything, for which I will be remembered forever.

I wonder how long it will take for me to find a purpose, or whether I even have a purpose...

Sports

It's been a while since I wrote an entry, don't know whether it's because I was too busy or too bored. Yes, I'm weird.

I haven't been up to much lately, in our college the sports fest, Josh, has started (had started on Monday actually), and though I didn't intend to take part this time, I landed up taking part in more sports than last year. I played mixed volleyball this time, in spite of the fact that though I had learned volleyball back in middle school, I was never good at it. It was really fun practicing, and I guess I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. Still we lost the match, and now I'm feeling very guilty about it. I couldn't put my best into the game, otherwise we would've done so much better. It was great fun practicing though, and I do hope I get to play on a regular basis, it's a really fun sport. Maybe next year I'll be a much better player.

Another new thing I tried this time is carrom. I'm not at all good at it though, and hopefully I'll play better today than I did yesterday.

For fun, I played a little table tennis too (not an actual match), and I like it, though again a lot of practice will be required to learn how to play.

It's funny, but over time I've realized that basketball isn't the best sport after all. There was a time when I thought that basketball is the most amazing sport in the world, and thought that people who play basketball are very cool. Also on television, you would notice that if they have to show a sport being played in college or school, they always show basketball. I have played lots of sports in the past, and I never got the time to become good at any of them (I haven't played many sports at all after coming to India), and because of that I never realized how much fun they actually are.

The first sport I learned how to play was volleyball, but I never could get a hang of it back in middle school. I learned how to hit the ball properly (that's why I don't hit the ball backwards like most beginners do), and I learned how to serve decently, but I was always scared of the ball. Just last semester/year (can't quite remember), I tried playing volleyball again, but I had that mental block that I'm really bad at it, so I couldn't play properly, in fact, I couldn't even serve back then. Now I would've hardly practiced for three days, and my serves go in most of the time, and I can hit the ball provided I play in the right position (personally I prefer center, but generally more skilled players play at center, so...). I still can't play even close to decently well, but I realized that it's a really fun and elegant sport.

Same way last year I had started playing lawn tennis (until I hurt my arm, after which I didn't play again), and I wasn't very good at it, I mean, I did need a lot of practice, but I liked it a lot more than basketball. According to me, lawn tennis is the most elegant sport in the world, though many people won't agree.

I still do like basketball, but only when I'm playing with guys, for most girls don't know how to play basketball the right way. In fact I prefer playing all sports with guys itself, for either you can never find enough girls to play with, or it's just not fun enough.

Well enough about sports, I can actually talk nonstop about them, but what would be the point if I don't play them? Anyways, I'm thinking I'll start playing something or the other on a regular basis, provided I can find company to play with.